Walking baby #2

Nighttime Party

Last night at about 11:00 Hayden woke up screaming for me to clean his hands. I went into his room, checked his hands and assured him that his hands were clean. That's when I realized he was sleep talking but with his eyes wide open.  He then woke from his "dream" only to be freaked out by something on his far wall. His eyes grew large and he started to scream, which in turn freaked me right out too. (I know, shut up -but it's a full moon so you never know....shut up).

Anyway, I scooped him up to stop his crying because I didn't want to wake Alex up (and to get away from the boogie man in his room).  Into our bed he went where I calmed him down.

2:00am my back is in a cramp because my body is in some contorted position to accommodate my sleep talking two year old. So once I again I pick him up and bring him back into his room.

3:30am he wakes again because of that darn boogie man and cries for me to come get him (so I go because once again we don't want to wake Alex). So back into our bed he goes.

4:50am he decides it's time to get up but with a little convincing I get him to lie back down. At this point I wasn't really sleeping anyway because once again Hayden is owning the bed.

6:00am hes up for the day.

Did I mention that Marcus slept like a log and missed the party as well as the boogie mans appearance.

So two coffees later this morning I'm counting down the minutes until their nap so I can finally get a good nights sleep.

blah.

P.S Alex JUST snapped me out of my feeling sorry for myself sleepy funk. As I typed this I just watched him take 5 or 6 steps across the room! Freekin adorable!

Good one

I wrote this nice little post the other day about how wonderful life is with the kids and how we have come to terms with the early mornings. Well after a restless night of listening to Lui snore toss and turn Hayden decided to come to my side of the bed and wake me up at 5:30am. If I tried putting him back to bed he would have cried which in turn would have woken up Alex which would have led to an inevitable long and grumpy baby day, so I got up. Bumping into things and navigating through the early morning darkness I stub my toe and broke. "F-bommmmmmb" in clear earshot of Hayden.

Good one. Mother of the year.
"We understand that early mornings are the norm" - YA RIGHT! 5:30 is NOT normal. It's still night time. NIGHT.... TIME!  :)

Things must be getting easier

Life must be getting easier because I noticed I'm speaking less about my spaz outs, on-going fatigue from lack of sleep or irrational teary breakdowns in Canadian Tire. I can`t complain because to be honest, the kids are such a source of joy in my life.  I swear once those first six months of sleepless nights are past, life feels somewhat normalish again. 
Marcus and I have excepted our daily early mornings with no more weekend sleep ins as just part of the every day now. We understand that meal times are messy, loud and rushed. We get that flu season means the kids are sick most of the time and trips to the zoo are tiring.  We've learned to re-appreciate little things like thunder storms as Hayden squeals ``yeaaa rain drops!``.  Car rides mean singing A,B,C 1000 times and when the kids fall asleep it`s one of the best opportunities to enjoy a coffee and chat. 
Getting puked on is more funny than gross and nothing is nicer than hearing your kids say I love you.

Life is different, wonderful and hard and I wouldn't change one moment of it for anything.

Love you forever

Is anyone else out there disturbed by the book "Love you forever" by Robert Munsch?

This book SCARES me and here is why, but first a short synopsis should you not be familiar.

It's a story about a mother and her son.  She rocks her son to sleep repeating a cute little poem about how she will love him forever. 

This idea is somewhat sweet (gag) until you come to the part when he's a teenager and the rocking continues.  Already completely inappropriate but it gets worse.

The story goes on and the son becomes a man who then moves out of the house.  This is when it really takes a turn down crazy street. Allow me to quote the next few pages:

"But sometimes on dark nights the mother got into her car and drove across town".
(Isn't every night dark? and why does it have to be really dark? why you ask? -HERE IS WHY!!/)
*The images with this paragraph is of an old woman driving at night with a ladder on top of her car.

"If all the lights in her son's house were out, she opened his bedroom window, crawled across the floor, and looked up over the side of his bed.  If that great big man was really asleep she picked him up and rocked him back and forth."

This woman scares me.
The author scares me
Anyone who isn't disturbed by an old woman scaling the wall of a two story home to break into her sons bedroom and "crawling across the floor" to pick him and and rock him, scare me.

Is this not how serial killers are produced?

Anyway, enough about that....

On another scary note, Hayden had projectile vomit this weekend so needless to say we laid low.  All of us managed to dodge whatever bullet Hayden took so all in all not such a raw deal. Poor Hayden...
he really has had his fair share of illnesses. I should sneak across his floor tonight (if its dark enough) and rock him while hes sleeping to let him know that I will love him forever too.

Making Deals

I'm sitting here tonight making ridiculously irrational deals with myself. I can eat this pizza and ice cream cone because I should really not start my diet until Monday because I basically ruined it for the day by eating Hayden's left overs AND my lunch today.  I can't diet this weekend because we will probably be at the cottage and really, who can diet at the cottage with those butter tarts, wine and smores lying around.  So yes, tonight I may have the ice cream (wine and pizza) because it alllll starts on Monday.   (Along with my daily runs and promise to drink more water).

I have had this conversation with myself since the week Alex was born, LAST YEAR. 

Typing this does not distract me, but makes me want it more. Why? because I deserve it! I TAKE CARE OF A 1 YEAR OLD AND A 2 YEAR OLD ALL DAY LONG SEVEN DAYS A WEEK 24 HRS A DAY.

The diet can wait until Monday...again. Helloooooooooooooooooo ice cream. (See how I always win?)

Sunny afternoon

We met at Jaspers Birthday Party

Do you ever get too far into a conversation to turn back? Is it because we can't be bothered or maybe just too polite? Well I got knee deep this morning and I have to share because I can't stop laughing over here.

Hayden, Alex, Lui and I all were off on our morning walk when I was stopped by a young woman walking down the street pushing her sleeping baby.  She stops me, takes off her sunglasses smiles and says "Hello! Remember me, I'm Heathers friend. We met at Jasper's birthday party".  Now...as she was "re-introducing" herself cars were flying by us on a busy street so I only really heard at first (before I thought about it) "Hi I'm Heathers friend" and "we met at a birthday party". I do in fact have a friend named heather and I do meet random people at birthday parties so my partially distracted reaction was "Oh hi" because she did have that familiarish type of face. (Again, does that make sense? - Some people just have a common face). Wow, why do I share my stupidity with the world?

Anyway, within a few seconds of digesting what she said I realized that I did in fact not know her, but now I was knee deep so I just kept going along with this false conversation with this person about "Heather". She went on to talk about how they recently moved and that she hasn't seen her since the birthday. So me, being me nodded my head and said "Oh that's right, no I haven't seen her either".  WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY, you ask? GOOD QUESTION! Again, was it that I couldn't be bothered or possibly just too polite? Either way the conversation was coming to a near end as really, how much could I fake?

What was funny was, as we said our goodbyes I could tell that she was quickly starting to realize that I probably was not Heathers friend and that she made a mistake, yet like myself was unable to call a spade a spade because now she thought, that I thought, that I knew her! So we both said our confused goodbyes and went off in separate directions.

I'm still sitting here scratching my head. How I have come this far in life is beyond me.

Mixed up feelings

With my mat leave end in now close sight I have to say I'm feeling allllll mixed up inside.  Marcus turned to me yesterday and asked "Are you ok?" when I suggested we go down to the splash pad in the park so the kids can cool off, with welled up eyes. Welled up eyes because I realized the summer will soon be coming to an end, I will be going back to work and someone else will get to watch them play and grow on a daily basis.

Earlier that day when both kids were screaming at me for lunch I said and I quote "I CAN NOT WAIT TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND BACK TO WORK!".

A little mixed up I am on this end.  No two people have ever made my blood boil and heart melt like these two can.  When I need to get as far away from them as possible, I'm RUNNING to get back to them after I do so.

They go to bed at night and I'm relieved for some me time, but by the next morning I crave to see their little smiling faces.

I have a love/hate for staying home and going back to work.

Could I be more confused?

I'm not going to even try to explain this contradiction because I have yet to make sense of it. 

God, I sure took my adolescent "problems" for granted.  If I went back I would make sure I didn't get stressed out over the fact that "Billy didn't smile at me in math class" or that "my parents won't let me stay up late.  You couldn't pay me to stay up late now and really, I could care less about what ever happened to Billy.

Anyway...confused, sad and excited for the next chapter.

Some summer pics....

Love it

Time away not somewhere else.

Recently I wrote about the "vacation" I took with the family. I realized very quickly this weekend that was time somewhere else and not time "away". That was us (Marcus and I) going somewhere else with the kids other than our home. Time away was this weekend... Just Marcus and I AWAY.

Wine tasting, long walks, meals on patios, massages and lots of laughing at the Pillar and Post in Niagara on the lake.

A two night tease but worth every minute. I didn't cry this time leaving the kids and practically ran to the car the night we left. It was because of the night before that I knew I REALLY needed this.

Alex was having a hard time going down for bed. His teeth were driving him crazy so we had to go in two or three times to calm him down. Anyway, we finally got him to sleep so I had a chance to walk around outside in the yard cleaning up after the mess we made that day.  Picking up a baby bottle here, putting a ball away there I was done in a few minutes. All that was left to do was take the stroller from the backyard to the front...easy enough. With a bottle in each hand I wheeled the station wagon model of our stroller to the front yard, dragged it up the steps and went to open the front door to go inside.

Well.... the front door was locked. Crap, I was locked out (at least of the front door).  Why didn't you ring the door bell you ask? For two reasons.
1). I knew Marcus wouldn't answer because he would think it was the ghosts. Yes...the ghosts. Our door bell goes off multiple times a day for no reason.  We realize it's probably not ghosts, but way more funny to look at one another when the bell goes off and say "ghosts".
2) If I ran the door bell or knocked more than once then there was a chance it would wake Alex...which was not an option.

The window I climbed through the last time I was locked out was locked and closed so around to the side of the house I went to check the side door...locked.
So to the backyard I went trying to reach over the fence for the latch...unsuccessful I was.

Still holding the baby bottles I ran in bare feet over to my neighbours house and knocked on their door, maybe I could just hop her fence? Yes, I know...I have no shame. I lost that a long time ago.

So knock knock knock and no answer.  Now I'm getting nervous because my pizza was in the oven that Marcus had no idea about. I decided I would just let myself in their backyard and quickly hop the fence without anyone seeing me...they weren't home anyway.

Navigating around her BEAUTIFUL garden I'm now tip toeing through soil in my bare feet getting ready to straddle the waist high fence when my neighbours who I thought were out (they were probably screening my knock - or maybe they have ghosts too) walk out on to their deck.  So picture this - hair all messed up, now sweating, barefoot and a bottle in each hand I'm hopping their fence. Awesome.

This reminded me of the time I was locked out of our old house and had to hop the fence preggers with Hayden ripping a whole in the crotch of my pants while my neighbours FIVE kids laughed at me.

At this point I explain the situation and our much needed "time away" not "somewhere else" with the kids.  She says nothing and just smiles.  My second foot hits our yard  and I wave my embarrassed good bye as she says "Don't come home with another baby now". 

I just kept walking.

Bugging me

It's 10:02am and so far today EVERYONE and EVERYTHING is BUGGING me.
No...I don't think it's me. I think it's the world with the problem.

I would like to vent and frankly I don't care if it makes sense today.

- stop putting me on hold
- just clean my ducts and enough with the up sell
- sun, you are just too hot today
- Hayden, really.. stop yelling
-Alex, really... stop yelling
- air con you are too cold
- Joanna time to join the gym
- lui get out from under my feet
- twit at the YMCA, just sign me up for the drop in centre and stop telling me to call back. I DO NOT HAVE TIME
- Dora, done with you
- Lui, don't crap in the yard
- Milk....come to me, don't make me go to the store to get you
- bills, leave me alone
- telemarketer, do you feel good about bothering me while you CLEARLY hear two kids yelling for their snack in the background


Ahhhh that actually feels better.

Some summer pics

Vacation is....

- Waking up to the sound of two loons at 5:45 calling each other on a quiet lake and smiling because, come on - how cute is that?
- Sitting with the morning sun on my face even though the room was 105 degrees.
- Ice cream cones daily and once, in place of dinner. Why? because I'm on vacation
- Mixing a mojito at 11:00am (stop judging) I said 1 not 12.
- Running in from the rain into a warm cottage without the fear of the kids catching a chill from air con - bc there is none.
- Listening to Hayden scream "YEA COTTAGE" 10000 times a day.
- Lying in the sun listening to nothing but the sound of waves on the shore line during the kids nap time.
- Reading, reading reading and reading.
- Watching movies in the VCR bc cable and modern technology don't belong here. (clearly we struggle with this one - hence the movies old enough for a VCR).
- Sitting on the dock
- Swinging on the sings in town (yes all of us, in a row) - since when does it hurt to swing?
- Visiting the wolf sanctuary and waving at ALL of the wolves both real and fake by Haydens orders
- Hayden telling the ants "see you soon" after I squish them.
- Waving at rocks and trees during a car ride into the hills.
- Taking turns sleeping in and taking naps (and actually sleeping)
- Trying to "stay up late" but surrendering to that wonderful feeling of falling asleep on the couch in front of the TV.
- The smell of outside on your babies skin before they drop into the bath tub.
- squishing into a single bunk bed with your two year old at 4:00am bc he wakes and doesn't know the room. ( But not minding bc when do I ever get to sleep nose to nose with this little guy?)

and vacation is...
re-appreciating how good we really do have it at home when we're not on vacation.

A thunk just used to be a thunk.  But now that I've had kids, a thunk instinctively makes me look around after hearing the thunk to see who has killed themselves.

So this morning I put Alex down for his morning nap and then joined Hayden and Marcus to enjoy my morning coffee. Hayden was playing (After a night of waking up 100000 times) and my coffee was oh so good. The moment was peaceful until Marcus and I heard a loud THUNK...long pause and then Alex SCREAMING at the top of his lungs.  HOLY @#)#$)#(@)#* the two of us went running up the stairs, I don't think my feet touched the ground with Hayden following us yelling "yea" the entire time clearly in a different mind set.

We run into Alex's room to find him ON THE FLOOR. Apparently he can pull himself up now, good to know.  He escaped from his crib and HE was the thunk.

After checking him over 10,000 times we learned that he was fine. Not a bump, scratch, or mark on him. In fact his spirits have never been better.  How are we you ask? We're fine too. I think we're numb now. You can only have a heart attack so many times before the attacks become just a normal way to feel.

Last year when Hayden did a back flip off of his change table, we took him straight to emerg just to have a handful of nurses laugh at us and say "If we had a nickle for every child that did this". Actually my favouite line was "First time parents I'm guessing". At the time I remember thinking what the heck does that mean? Now, I get it. Sucks to be the second child because this time we didn't jump as fast to go running to emerge.  However with that said, this time we knew what to look for should there had been something else going on.

Anyway, we adjusted the crib to the next height and broke it along the way. So now we have to buy a new crib. Hayden took a flip off of the couch as well - he's also fine.

It's only 10:30. I wonder what the rest of the day has in store?

"Kids teach you stuff"

It has been a hard week.
When I say hard I mean, I've been weepy, bitchy, snappy, irritable, short, quiet, angry and frustrated.  Hayden has been two for a week and yes, the "terrible twos" and all the fun stuff that goes with it are officially here.

Aside from hitting when he doesn't get what he wants he has decided to act like a baby (aka Alex) to ask for what he wants. So Alex whines, Hayden whines. Alex gets carried up the stairs, Hayden wants to be carried up the stairs. Alex throws his food, Hayden throws his food.

I realize all this behaviour is normal, will pass and if you stay on top of it will pass quickly but I still have to shamelessly admit that it's getting to me.

After a talk about discipline with my mom she did remind me that "Kids teach you stuff". They teach
you stuff about them and yourself. My son has taught me that through all of this I should listen to my gut
and do what feels right. He has taught me that I need to not take him personally and to (at least try) discipline without emotion. Ha! Sounds easier than it is.  This child needs to know that I gave birth to him, live and breath him and think about nothing else but him! He needs to cut me some slack! Can you explain that to a two year old?  From what I'm learning and the more I'm observing in general, I don't think you can explain that to any child who has yet to become a parent. I definitely didn't understand any of this until recently.
If it wasn't for him being such a good boy outside of his moments of the "terribles" I think I would have lost my mind a long time ago.  Maybe that's why mother nature made babies and kids so darn cute.

Something else I'm learning. I've learned that I care way too much about what other people think.
 I can't help but feel ostracized in public when I'm getting slapped in the face 10000 times. I'm not sure why I care but I feel like I need to explain to the observing world that I am in fact on top of it, that I'm not one of those parents that just sit back and let their kids rule them and that my son is really a wonderful little boy. I know, who cares... but one of those things that fall into the category of "easier said than done".


I've also learned that I have turned into that neighbour that yells all the time, the one I used to imitate as a kid as I peered through the fence fully entertained. (Said in an annoying squawky voice) "Jessica, come inside, Jessica don't hit your sister, Jessica mommy said no!  I have turned into Jessica's mom. I..am...Jessica's mom.  I do not want to be Jessica's mom. I don't want to have to look around to see if there are any windows open before the anticipated drama unfolds. I don't want kids peering through the fence at me. I'm too young to be Jessica's mom. God I feel for Jessica's mom. But funny, Jessica's mom never did seem to care how loud she had to yell to get her point across. I can't help but admire her "flipping the world the bird attitude" as she did what needed to get done.

So I have decided to continue trusting my gut, stop caring what others think and to keep my eye on the prize and already I feel better. So yes "Kids teach you stuff" and apparently mothers (mine and Jessica's) do too.

World Cup Birthday Party...

Slight rivalry going on in this house...but a a really fun day.

The smell is in the air...

This Sunday we will be celebrating Hayden's second birthday. Today while walking there was the smell of a certain flower in the air (not sure which flower) which put me right back to the weekend Hayden was born. That smell was in the air the night before I went into labour as Marcus and I sat outside enjoying a summer evening dinner.  That same smell was in the air after my water broke as I walked up and down University Ave (In a hospital gown) to "help get things moving". I would say that I  remembered that same flower after he was born but I'd be lying because really...I've been dazed and confused for two years now.

Hayden, when you're old enough to read and understand this entry,  you'll also be old enough to understand that you should go figure out what flower it is I'm talking about and go get me some. :)
I love you, my love. Here's to a wonderful second year. xo

What to do with an hr.

The kids go down at 12:30 and literally I get an hour before Alex wakes up (Hayden will sleep until 2:00).
So everyday I basically run to get them to bed because I'm so excited for some time to myself and every day I waste the hour thinking of what I'm going to do with this free time.  Do I make and eat a proper lunch? Do I take a nap? Do I do some laundry, catch up with a friend? Read a book? What to do, what to do? Today I decided I was going to lie down and grab a nap after a week of Alex and his teeth waking me up at all hours of the night. So for 30min I lied there in the dark anxious and aware that I only had so many more minutes left to rest.

Finally I fell asleep just to be woken up ten minutes later (groggy and feeling even more tired then I was before the nap) to Alex who decided to sleep for only 40min today. Now he sits quietly enjoying some milk as I sit here bitter wishing I made and ate lunch instead.

Heros

The other day I decided to take the kids for a walk first thing in the morning. It was going to be a hot one so the crack o' dawn outing seemed like a good idea.  It was rush, rush, rush, sweat, sweat, sweat getting the kids and their gear packed up. One out the door, the next out the door, one in the stroller, the next in the stroller. One gets a milk the other gets a water, one wants to sit the other wants to lie down.Up and down the stairs to our front door, i forget this and forget that. After my usual "Hayden no we can't pick flowers now or chase ants" back and forth and shoving Alex's hat on we were off and ready to go" (after I chased Lui back in the house after he ran half way down the street).  So we walked and walked and talked and sang and went on the swings...and were home again just in the nick of time for lunch.

I parked the stroller, set Hayden free and went up the stairs with my toddler to unlock the front door (part of the unpacking routine).  Into my purse I went to dig for my keys. Under a diaper, past the drippy sippy cup and around my wallet my hand fished around looking for the keys...the keys that I forgot to take during my sweaty and involved pack up. Marcus was home when I left, but had since gone to work. WE WERE LOCKED OUT. Not only were we locked out, but we were locked out at lunch time and that hot day I was trying to avoid was looking us straight in the eyes. @#(*$#$(%^!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I looked down to see these big blue eyes looking up at me wondering why we weren't going inside the house and something came over me. There was NO WAY we weren't getting inside. After a quick scan of the house I noticed a window left a  crack open which I could reach. Oh I was going for it. So with that I quickly explained to Hayden what was going on. "The door is stuck so mommy is going to go inside here, wait here like a good boy". He looks at me with this "I so have your back" kind of smile and away I went launching my big post p butt (shut up i realize it's been 9 months, but I'm using that excuse FOREVER) and bending practically in half through the window landing on my face...but I was in. As I stood up I heard this little voice from the outside "Mommy inside...yaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy" and suddenly I stood proud. I was the hero, I was my sons hero and I ran to unlock the door with great pride and excitement!  Hayden was already waiting at the door for me with a great bit smile on his face clapping his hands over his head...who cares if it was my fault that we were locked out in the first place, he never has to know that.

PS. I wonder if my neighbour and her husband saw lol