LIFE!

Last night an 11 week series started on Discovery, called Life.  LOVED IT!  I don't even think you need to be into nature shows like I am to appreciate it.  The cinematography alone is worth the watch.  Oprah is the narrator and has a Morgan Freamanesq delivery. 

There was one quote of many last night about parenting which I loved: "The soul of parenting is the capacity for sacrifice". 

Makes you want to suck up sacrifice that much more when put like that, doesn't it.

 A tree frog in the Costa Rican jungle lays her tadpole eggs under the ground. Once the eggs hatch she feels it's no longer safe for her babies, so she moves each of them (five), one by one on her back up a 100ft tree (shes the size of a finger nail) to grow in each of their very own personal pinapple plant.  If she puts the babies together, they will eat each other.  So five times up and down this huge tree and under the ground she carts her little babies around. If that's not enough, she now has to feed all five babies, so every few days for two months she lays unfertilized eggs into the pool of water (the tadpole is living in, in the pinapple plant) until the tadpoles become frogs and can hop away to repeat the cycle.

I bet she doesn't complain about sleep.

P.S Where is the daddy!

3 nights

3 straight nights of 11hr sleeps. Way too excited for my own good. I feel like a new person. That foggy feeling is gone! Wow, we really do need a good nights sleep to feel half human.  I was getting used to being crusty and sluggish all the time, well no more!
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPY!

On top of all of this bliss, Alex's naps are wonderful as well! Twice a day he will sleep for 1.5hrs and the third nap is around an hr.  All this = REALLY happy baby (even when he's teething).

Fist pumping all over the place. (that's right, fist pumping! I'm excited!)

WHATAYA KNOW

The training worked! Alex slept until 6:30 this morning!!!!! I heard him wake 3 or 4 times but he put himself back to sleep each time within 5 -10 min tops.  THANK YOU! With two kids under two I basically have not slept in two years.  Hopefully tonight I get over the excitment (or habbit of waking) and sleep myself!!!

Too sleepy - Night # 3

To sleepy to explain but yes it is working but the events of the week are taking its toll. 
Just
Want
Sleep

Night # 2

Ok.... it's working!
Last night he woke at 1:00am for about 30 sec and was back off to sleep. Then at 3:30am he woke and I sat with him until 5:00am.  Sounds gross but remember the night before was for 3hrs.  I'm pretty sleepy this morning, but he's still in la la land.  I also noticed he responded better to my voice last night.  He was happy I was around and would quiet or calm down when it was time for me to "shhh" him.

yawwwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Sleep training - Night #1

Ok....
So I received an essay of instructions for Alex. Don't do this and don't do that. Make sure you do this and make sure you do that.  WHATEVER YOU DO NEVER DO THIS... etc etc.
Holy crap, a whole lotta how to's for something as simple as sleep.

As mentioned, all new to me because Hayden was in love with sleep from the get go.

Anyway, we had an annoying night.  We were good until about midnight and then hell broke loose until 3:00am.

My instructions were to say to him "shhhh shhhhh shh" every 10 min but no sooner. Do not touch him, do not give him the soother, do not talk to him, do not pick him up and do not feed him.

Jesus.

So I sat in the chair in his room for three hours logging our actions and shhhhing him every ten min.  His yells went from angry, to coos, to moments of silence, to anger, etc,

I was then instructed to not let him out of the crib until 6:30. At 6:00am when he woke up irrate and starving I say "screw you sleep nazi" and bent the rules after a night of sticking to them.

I was pretty pissed this moring until his first nap of the day.  I put him down fully expecting to shhh shhh shh every ten min until he fell asleep but I didn't have to.  He put himself to sleep with no trouble and did so again for nap number 2.  Nap number 3 happens in the next hour so we. shall. see.
I then realized he slept straight from 3:00am until 6:00am. (I realize out of exhaustion but he never gave me stretches like that).

In the mean time I'm feeling positive, curious and pumped up for the unfolding events of tonight.

Come onnnnnnn sleep.

Stay tuned (ha! for those who actually care! lol) - Exciting stuff, I know.

Random personal thought

I'm not going to reveal to the world where I first heard this song becasue it's sameful. (ok, reality TV but I'm not going to say more).

Anyway, it's my new favorite song of the week. It takes me back to a very fond time with Marcus. Butterflies, first dates - I wish you could bottle that feeling and spary it around the house when things get heavy. It's funny how even though it does take me back when I listen to the lyrics of the song, the boys are weaved into my thoughts as well.

"This is the start of something good, don't you agree".

Enjoy!

"Follow through"

First date - 2003

This one's for Hayden

Hayden just made me dance with him to "say hey I love you" about ten times just now.
(It's 9:15am).

A feel good song, worth a listen. H, this one's for you!!!

Poke my eyes out

So I caved and hired a sleep consultant because getting up 6-8 times a night with a six month old is just ridiculous. So she has me fill out a questionaire and we have a phone call this weekend. Should be interesting.... In the mean time I type as Alex whines over the monitor for the third time since I put him down at 6:30 (it's 8:08). He's been crying for 8 min and I thought typing away would get my mind off of the fact that he's awake yet again and not a happy camper.  Five more min of this b.s and I'll cave.

Poke my eyes out.

8:09 - 3 seconds of silence.

8:10 - still going strong. (I wonder if Hayden is waking up ticked)

I gave him tylonal before bed bc I thought his teeth may be bugging him AND he's so full he spit up.

8:11- still going. This is not a distraction

I'm a bad mother

8:12- I know if I give him a bottle he'll just fall back asleep... maybe I should, not feeling very strong.

8:13 - This min by min blow by blow is tourture

Now he's not only crying but hes fake coughing. Did i mention I broke my video monitor so I have no idea if hes upsite down, right side up...god maybe I should go in.

8:14 - quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet....quiet!! quiet! quiet! quiet!  oh my god! QUIET! no sounds... a little moan...

8:15 - still nothing! moan... nothing nothing nothing nothing....whine....nothing.....

distracted by survivor...

8:15 - and....he cries again... nothing... nothing... nothing....

8:16- whine... nothing nothing

(breathing)

8:17 - I hear nothing! Is he back asleep?

crap... did i need a sleep therapist? LOL

8:19 and a full two min of silence. (for now)

maybe I AM the baby whisperer.

8:35 stir and whine

god i wish i had chocolate. Chocolate chips, man I would even settle for bakers chocolate. Why the heck don't Marcus and I EVER buy junk food? CLEARLY I need it.

8:37 silence

9:41 yelling

ok 10 min and then I'll go check him.

9:44 still yelling (clearly I have officially lost my mind documenting a blow by blow of my evening) - EVERY evening for the last six months by the way, did I mention that?

9:46- distracted from funny epi of the office - still yelling

9:48 - tappering, tappering.... (LOL I HAVE lost it - but this is actually helping).

Goals

Do you ever find if you don't set goals for yourself or make plans you just coast along from day to to day without any real direction? I know, an obvious conclusion but so easy it is to fall into the throws of day to day life.
Anyway, I have been wanting to get back into running since the day before I found out I was prego with Hayden.  I was participating in the Run for the Cure, an easy 5k fun run for charity.  About half way through the run I felt more winded than usual and wanting to walk the rest of the way. "Hey Mama" by the "Black Eyed Peas" was playing on my ipod and I wondered as I listened to the chorus - could I be pregant? Naaaa..

Well, I'm not pregnant anymore after two years of being pregnant so back into running I go! I set a goal to get ready again for the Sporting life 10k in May.  This run is for Sick Kids and a fun event to participate in.

So there is my goal, killing a few birds with one stone.  Back into shape(ish), donate some time to charity, and a goal to work towards.

Now...if Alex would only SLEEP AT NIGHT, the transition from couch to running shoes would be easier.

Let the training begin!

Things I want to remember

Because this whole part of infancy is a blur...really, where did the last 5.5 months go?

Alex:
Old soul... he really is. I say this because I sware he looks at me and just understands everything I say. When he smiles I feel it. You know what I mean? You know when you feel a smile?

Happy - all the time. Such a wonderful little temperment.
Sleeps like an angel.... NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Laughs easy
Likes the soother at nap time
sleeps on his tummy
likes strangers (or anyone that will look at him)

Hayden:
"Spirited" (no need to get into anything else about that!)
Loves to sleep
Was a good eater but is now picky
Talks all the time.
Loves his books
Loves Dora
Loves Elmo
Loves cars
Loves Daddy
Likes to take Alex's socks off
FUNNY, knows it and tries to be
Loves Lui
Says up for down and down for up
drives me nuts
melts my heart

I'm really enjoying my time with my boys in spite of the hard parts. 
I love you guys xo.

Healthy cooking...why bother?

Why do I bother cooking a healthy salmon and salad dinner tonight when I chase it five minutes later with a shot of tequilla and a rolo ice cream cone. (did I REALLY just admit that?)

I know.. shameful. (and yes I do realize it's Monday and really, who does shots of tequilla unless it's spring break in Mexico).

I think I just need the comfort! In fact, I know I need the comfort after such a hard month with the kids.

The other day I called a public health nurse and said that I would like to "cash in" on my visit with a nurse now, seeing I never took advantage of the service when either of the boys were born.  All the nurse said to me was "are you ok? is everything ok?" as I watched Hayden pant, and I broke down and cried.  I sobbed like a baby for a good five minutes while this angel of a voice comforted me on the other end.  I explained to her my worry about the boys, their illnesses, the trips to the hospital the lack of sleep etc all a while knowing that this is the reality of motherhood and feeling like a real baby, jerk, wimp, failure etc.

She gave me a little lecture about the importance of taking care of myself first and doing whatever I can to catch up on my sleep, take my vitamins and eat healthy (hence my attempt above).

Can I just say how i love that stranger on the other end? LOVE HER! I want her to come by and see me every week. If I make it interesting enough maybe she'll just want to pop by on her own?!!  She can examine the boys, listen to my sob stories and tell me how everything is fine.  I'll rent us movies, plan day trips, oh how I want her to be my new bff.

So tonight I took her advice and took care of myself (with chocolate and alcohol).

baby steps.

Bed time experiment...night 1 update

It went so so. I chickened out from letting Alex cry because of his little cough.  I just didn't have the heart
to do that to him tonight...figures! HOW - EVER... I didn't lift him from his crib when he yelled and I used the combo bottle for 10 seconds bum pat to get him back to sleep. He yelled but it worked.  Also, he gave me a stretch of almost four hours as well so I'm thinking it's going to work.

I hate the kids on Barney. Sorry tourrettes moment but god they drive me crazy.  WAY over annimated.
(I know I need to GET OUT).

I wonder if Hayden and Alex will find any of my daily entries interesting or annoying when they are old enough to read this.  Who knows... at least they will know the tourture they put me through and may feel the need to buy me something pretty. :)

Bedtime experiment night #1

It's 8:13 day one of bedtime experiment.  Bedtime for the kids just took an hour longer because they kept each other up with their "i dont want to go to bed protests".  Alex didn't get his bottle to fall asleep tonight so he's ticked (and has a cold, but got the all clear of anything funky from the Dr. today), and Hayden is just Hayden.

I may chicken out tonight on the whole letting them scream thing I so bravely said I was going to do, oh just yesterday! We'll see. I'm feeling like a big wimp right now. A big EXHAUSTED wimp that only has time for babies and blogging about babies. 

This wimp wants energy from a half decentish night sleep so this wimp can work out again. (ok, change my clothes every once in a while and brush my hair again).

Anyway, we'll see. Now, 8:17 I'm feeling somewhat bold again.

We
Shall
See.

Day 1

Ok, so... reading reading reading and reading.
WHY IS MY BABY NOT SLEEPING LONGER THAN TWO HR STRETCHES AT A TIME?

1) Make sure they are full during the day: (He just barfed all over me) - He's full
2) Make sure he is comfortable. - Dude is comfortable
3) Change what YOU are doing. - At first this piece of advice seemed sarcastic but then it dawned on me.

*The moment I hear stirring I jump and go running in fear he will wake the house up (aka - Hayden).  But what is funny is that no matter how how I try to keep the two kids from waking each other, they still do so what the heck am I waiting for at this point!
I know that Alex is fully capable of soothing himself back to sleep because I have been watching him do it for the last 24hrs during nap time.  So the conclusion I come to is this...let one scream, let one wake the other and just get the two of them use to hearing each other.

In theory this is simple. But at 3:00am it just seems easier to shove a bottle into Alex's mouth to keep him quiet, even if it means in two hours he's going to do it to me all over again.

 Fri, Sat, Sun Mon Hayden is home with me full time. So tomorrow night operation "make some noise to get some sleep will begin. I will at least know that if Hayden is kept up all night he will have good naps at home in his own bed should he face a night of torture.

(oh for the love of god. I as I type this Alex is flipping out in his crib after I put him down for a nap).

I may just scratch everything I just typed. We'll see.

Wish me luck.

Milestone!

VERY exciting to me but I realize not very exciting to the rest of the world...
Alex can now put himself to sleep at nap time, VERY exciting!

He is also rolling from front to back back to front which is not nearly as exciting as my
first tid bit of news but I documented this milestone for Hayden so I feel the need to do the
same for Alex. 

Wow, the "what you do for one you have to do for another" just officially began.

"Crusty"

I just had a vision of putting my fist through my wall after stepping on a squeeky floor board and waking both kids up at the same time after taking an hour putting them both to bed (after waking up for the day at 4:30am because Hayden decided it was time after just finishing a 4:00am feeding with Alex who was up every two hrs all a while praying that I could sleep in until 6:00.

Then I wonder why anyone should question why I'm a little "crusty".

If anything "crusty" behaviour should be expected, welcomed, enjoyed and celebrated.

"crusty" 

whatever.

I DO NOT SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

Why is it that my child STILL gets up every 2-3 hrs ALL NIGHT LONG to eat. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
I just made the mistake of reading a blog entry from when Hayden was the same age. I basically was bragging about how he would go to bed at this time, wake at this time and only have one night feeding. My own post just annoyed me.

Annoying is....

When you get up at 4:45 with baby #1  and get him back to sleep by 5:05 just to step on a floor board and wake baby #2 who in turn wakes baby #1.

Fa la la la thank god

Alex slept from 12:30 until 5:30ish this morning. It would have been longer if Hayden didn't let the house know that he was awake.  I wish I could program the little suckers to sleep and wake and speak and eat and poop when I said so.

Last week I mingled with some moms that I didn't know just to get out of the house and meet some new friends.  The first person I spoke with talked about how she gave birth naturally at home and how beautiful it was. How her hubby caught the baby and how they all just fell asleep after.

Did her and I give birth the same way? Because last time I checked it was painful, messy and I needed a Dr. and drugs.

her and I can't be friends.

Yesterday  poor little sick Hayden and I baked Christmas cookies. When I say baked I mean bought a kit with pre-made cookies. All we had to do was decorate (which was supplied in the kit as well). 

some pics.