The countdown is on...

It's just over a week before I go back to work and I feel as if I'm counting down to an end, a beginning, a new chapter, an old chapter, a guilty chapter and an exciting chapter.

Leaving you two behind is harder than I thought.  I talked and talked about how I'm the kind of mom that needs to work, but now that the time has come, nothing holds a candle to this time spent with you both.

Yes, it's been hard. Any mother out there who says that staying home is not hard on your heart, mind, body and soul is lying.  Physically chasing, carrying and walking two babies around all day is quite the work out. All of my baby chub is almost gone from the constant running you two make me do all day. (Thank god because I have yet to start that diet I have talked and talked and talked about).

Emotionally, yup it's hard.  It's a constant up and down cycle of feelings -many in one day. Happy, joyful and exciting to see your babies progress and play and learn.  Hard to see them sick or upset and confusing to love something so much and be so angry at the same time.  and ohhhhh the worry - over EVERYTHING.

Your days are not strolling happily through the mall as you try on new clothes and sip lattes with your friends. Your days are spent teaching, disciplining, playing, explaining, running and basically keeping your children from killing themselves!

You then have your moments of watching your children's eyes light up when you walk in the room. To hear them say "come mama" as they call you over to the blanket fort they just built. To walking into the room of a baby in sheer joy, kicking and laughing as you get them from an afternoon nap.  To falling asleep together holding hands after reading "Green eggs and Ham" for the 100000 time.

The two of you have each other now during the day and that makes me feel great. You have become to be friends - laughing and giggling together. You are two such different little boys with an entire life of adventure ahead of you.

You are both growing so quickly right before my eyes and I know I can only be thankful of these last two years. One day when you read this you will be men, but in the words of rod:

"be courageous and be brave, but in my heart you will remain.....forever young.

I love you both.

Mama