Why do I bother cooking a healthy salmon and salad dinner tonight when I chase it five minutes later with a shot of tequilla and a rolo ice cream cone. (did I REALLY just admit that?)
I know.. shameful. (and yes I do realize it's Monday and really, who does shots of tequilla unless it's spring break in Mexico).
I think I just need the comfort! In fact, I know I need the comfort after such a hard month with the kids.
The other day I called a public health nurse and said that I would like to "cash in" on my visit with a nurse now, seeing I never took advantage of the service when either of the boys were born. All the nurse said to me was "are you ok? is everything ok?" as I watched Hayden pant, and I broke down and cried. I sobbed like a baby for a good five minutes while this angel of a voice comforted me on the other end. I explained to her my worry about the boys, their illnesses, the trips to the hospital the lack of sleep etc all a while knowing that this is the reality of motherhood and feeling like a real baby, jerk, wimp, failure etc.
She gave me a little lecture about the importance of taking care of myself first and doing whatever I can to catch up on my sleep, take my vitamins and eat healthy (hence my attempt above).
Can I just say how i love that stranger on the other end? LOVE HER! I want her to come by and see me every week. If I make it interesting enough maybe she'll just want to pop by on her own?!! She can examine the boys, listen to my sob stories and tell me how everything is fine. I'll rent us movies, plan day trips, oh how I want her to be my new bff.
So tonight I took her advice and took care of myself (with chocolate and alcohol).
baby steps.
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