I've realized recently that I've turned into the person that can only talk about the kids, motherhood, staying at home and everything that goes with all of the above. Now, as much as I do love this role in my life it seems to have dominated my life leaving me with this feeling of "who the heck am I now?
With lack of sounding dramatic (ha ha) I am on the hunt for me again. After two years of reading books and books and books about babies I have decided to walk away from that and get back to the books that I love that have nothing to do with the kids. I just finished Book of Negros (which I loved loved loved) and am now on to Ingredients for life- which I'm loving as well.
With only the evenings after seven to myself I have also decided to take full advantage of that time. So in addition to my running (which is on hold right now because I pulled a muscle lifting the kids - which really is a blessing in disguise because I would have ended up in a ditch somewhere if I ran the Sporting life 10k this year.) I have decided to take a cooking course... because for those who know me know that I am not the Martha Stewart of the upper east side (of TO). A little research needs to be done to find the course which suits me best, so more info on that to come later. I have also decided that I want to learn how to swing dance. I know, makes no sense... but when you see your identity flying out the window, strange things in the back of your mind emerge when you realize you need to take your life by the horns before it really is no longer your life as an individual.
My Oma (grandmother in German) told me yesterday that 33 and 35 (myself and marcus) are "beautiful" ages to be and to enjoy this stage. Seeing that my Oma is 82 I thought she may just know a thing or two about "the beautiful stages in life". I'm going to take her advice instead of only having this blog to remember it by.
So running, reading, writing, cooking and dancing. I'm pretty excited to dive in and get to know myself once again.
The last time I got to know myself was when I went backpacking. It seems every major event in our lives brings out this other side of ourselves. It must be natures way of forcing us to learn and become (in hopes) a better person. Even if it means becoming a person you're not in love with first...
The quest to look outside of this mom begins....
Friday, April 30, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
Love thy neighbour
So the four of us are sitting the yard today. Lui, Hayden, Alex and myself. Lui is running and playing with Hayden, Hayden is squeeling in delight and Alex and I are sitting with a bottle watching the whole thing go down. It was such a nice day today and Hayden was having the time of his life. After a third or fourth loud and adorable giggle from Hayden I notice my neighbour make a face at her husband and then say to Hayden "Wow, you bark just as loud as Lui does".
Let's pause here a moment and laugh at not one, but two passive aggressive attacks on me. Cheap shot, ouch, cheat shout ouch again. Cheap shot me, but don't use my child as a guard. Oh NO you didn't!
So I say to her with a smile "and it's only going to get louder once the three of them run and play together".
She then looks at me after an uncomfortable laugh and says "Looks like your Mullberry tree is ready to bloom".
Let us pause here for another moment so I can translate what this third and final knock out statement meant translated from passiveaggressiveese.
Last summer a week after we moved in and two months before I was about to pop, her and I were chatting over the fence. She pointed at the Mullberry tree and said "Did you know this is a Mullberry tree? They drop berries..." When she noticed I wasn't upset with that statement she adds "they make quite a mess". So I just look at her and say "Well the yard, gardening etc are not really a priority this year for us as I looked down at my belly and glance over at Hayden". She goes on to say how every year the berries dump into her yard and that I can have the tree removed. Again, I just went with the flow of the conversation and went on to talk about another bush boarding our property.
So her comment just now about the tree getting ready to blossom was a prelude to her talking me into removing the tree from my yard. So I answer with a smile on my face, "yup looks like every tree is ready to bud, I love the spring".
She did win that round though because I scooped up the kids and went inside. Maybe next time I will be able to chase HER from the yard.
Bully.
Let's pause here a moment and laugh at not one, but two passive aggressive attacks on me. Cheap shot, ouch, cheat shout ouch again. Cheap shot me, but don't use my child as a guard. Oh NO you didn't!
So I say to her with a smile "and it's only going to get louder once the three of them run and play together".
She then looks at me after an uncomfortable laugh and says "Looks like your Mullberry tree is ready to bloom".
Let us pause here for another moment so I can translate what this third and final knock out statement meant translated from passiveaggressiveese.
Last summer a week after we moved in and two months before I was about to pop, her and I were chatting over the fence. She pointed at the Mullberry tree and said "Did you know this is a Mullberry tree? They drop berries..." When she noticed I wasn't upset with that statement she adds "they make quite a mess". So I just look at her and say "Well the yard, gardening etc are not really a priority this year for us as I looked down at my belly and glance over at Hayden". She goes on to say how every year the berries dump into her yard and that I can have the tree removed. Again, I just went with the flow of the conversation and went on to talk about another bush boarding our property.
So her comment just now about the tree getting ready to blossom was a prelude to her talking me into removing the tree from my yard. So I answer with a smile on my face, "yup looks like every tree is ready to bud, I love the spring".
She did win that round though because I scooped up the kids and went inside. Maybe next time I will be able to chase HER from the yard.
Bully.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
A day at the zoo
went as follows:
Us: "Hayden, look Elephants!"
Hayden: Oooooo rocks!
Us: Hayden, look a monkey!
Hayden: Ooooo rocks!
Us: Hayden, look Rhinos
Hayden: Oooo cows!
Us: Hayden, look Lions
Hayden: Oooooo roarrrrr, Ooooooooooooooo TREES!
Again, why leave the yard.
Us: "Hayden, look Elephants!"
Hayden: Oooooo rocks!
Us: Hayden, look a monkey!
Hayden: Ooooo rocks!
Us: Hayden, look Rhinos
Hayden: Oooo cows!
Us: Hayden, look Lions
Hayden: Oooooo roarrrrr, Ooooooooooooooo TREES!
Again, why leave the yard.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Why is it so easy to complain?
How terrible is that? I really haven't had much to report these days because life on this end is good. I realize how much I complained this winter when I see the frequency of my posts. Really, why is it easier to complain?
A sleeping baby and illness free environment makes all the difference in the world. I'm loving having Hayden home full time with us right now. He is this little person all of a sudden and is cracking me up on a daily basis.
A few days ago we went to a local farm (Riverdale Farm). Hayden has never seen REAL farm animals, so when he saw their actual scale he was blown aways. "ohhhhhhh cowwww". A horse was a cow a cow was a horse and chickens were "brock brock brocks". What really got him going though were the birds in the parking lot. Again seriously, why leave your yard?
A sleeping baby and illness free environment makes all the difference in the world. I'm loving having Hayden home full time with us right now. He is this little person all of a sudden and is cracking me up on a daily basis.
A few days ago we went to a local farm (Riverdale Farm). Hayden has never seen REAL farm animals, so when he saw their actual scale he was blown aways. "ohhhhhhh cowwww". A horse was a cow a cow was a horse and chickens were "brock brock brocks". What really got him going though were the birds in the parking lot. Again seriously, why leave your yard?
Monday, April 12, 2010
Two's company
Eating together
Giggling together
Protesting together
Crying together
Smiling together
Sitting at the dinner table tonight I sat watching Alex and Hayden laugh, giggle and play with one another. Each taking turns making a silly noise and then looking at me for a reaction. Touching each others hands, Alex touching Hayden's face with his little sticky fingers and Hayden laughing and screaming "ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww"
Hayden counting Alex's fat little toes "three, four, five, eight, tent" and Alex throwing his head back squeeling with laughter as Hayden looks at me for praise.
Watching these two become friends is one of the nicest things I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing.
You two will always have each other.
No need for three! :)
P.S typing this post I had to take five to wipe Alex's nose. Just now looking down as I typed I spotted the booger I was digging for, on my hand. LOL
Giggling together
Protesting together
Crying together
Smiling together
Sitting at the dinner table tonight I sat watching Alex and Hayden laugh, giggle and play with one another. Each taking turns making a silly noise and then looking at me for a reaction. Touching each others hands, Alex touching Hayden's face with his little sticky fingers and Hayden laughing and screaming "ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww"
Hayden counting Alex's fat little toes "three, four, five, eight, tent" and Alex throwing his head back squeeling with laughter as Hayden looks at me for praise.
Watching these two become friends is one of the nicest things I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing.
You two will always have each other.
No need for three! :)
P.S typing this post I had to take five to wipe Alex's nose. Just now looking down as I typed I spotted the booger I was digging for, on my hand. LOL
Thursday, April 8, 2010
da da da da ma ma ma ma
da da
ma ma
Alex speaks!
ps side note. I ran 5k the other night and still almost died. HOW am I doing 10k in less than a month? Last night I really couldn't run because it was raining - so I went to get groceries instead because we need to eat, right? I need to feed my childeren right? Right! That's what I said! So all signs pointed to taking the night off. Things needed to get done and like I said it was raining.
On my way into the store I saw my neighbour on her way out finishing just what I was about to start. 30 min later as I was getting home she was on her way out the door for a run. In the rain.
whatever.
shes prob a perfect mom and wife too.
ma ma
Alex speaks!
ps side note. I ran 5k the other night and still almost died. HOW am I doing 10k in less than a month? Last night I really couldn't run because it was raining - so I went to get groceries instead because we need to eat, right? I need to feed my childeren right? Right! That's what I said! So all signs pointed to taking the night off. Things needed to get done and like I said it was raining.
On my way into the store I saw my neighbour on her way out finishing just what I was about to start. 30 min later as I was getting home she was on her way out the door for a run. In the rain.
whatever.
shes prob a perfect mom and wife too.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Another easter....
Bunnies, cakes, eggs, chocolate, parades, baskets, walks, fresh air, easter art, egg cracking comps and good eats.
We're all eastered out.
We're all eastered out.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Diaper Sniffers
I've recently caught myself becoming the parent I would have made fun of B.C.
A few days ago I had a conversation with a friend of mine (who does not have kids) about how parents these days are "too much" and I thought to myself...that's not me..naaaaaaaaaaa. This after telling her I was planning on building a music and art station for the kids when they are not in swimming lessons, or soccer tots, etc.
As much as you don't want to be "too much" you also don't want to be "too little" either. It's a fine line we walk, of too much this or too little, that I tell you!
This morning I took the boys out into the yard to play. I gathered up haydens trucks, cars, a few balls and doohickies to keep him occupied and entertained. Alex and I got comfortable in the lawn chairs as Hayden ran around gathering rocks, sticks and leaves not giving any thought to the plastic entertainment I thought he would have prefered. The whole experience made me think of a bit George Carlin did on parents and it made me laugh. A bit worth the read...
------------------------
"Now, speaking of parents and speaking of bullshit, two ideas that aren't always mutually exclusive, by the way, I'd like to mention a special kind of bullshit that has taken hold in this country in the last thirty to forty years. It's a form of bullshit that really can only be called "child worship". It's child worship. It's this excessive devotion to children.
I'm talking about today's professional parents, these obsessive diaper sniffers who are overscheduling and overmanaging their children and robbing them of their childhoods.
Even the simple act of playing has been taken away from children, and put on mommy's schedule in the form of "play dates". Something that should be spontaneous and free is now being rigidly planned. When does a kid ever get to sit in the yard with a stick anymore?
You know? Just sit there with a fucking stick. Do today's kids even know what a stick is?
You sit in the yard with a fucking stick... and you dig a fucking hole. You know?
And you look at the hole, and you look at the stick... and you have a little fun. But kids don't have sticks anymore. I don't think there are any sticks left; I think they've all be recalled because of lead paint! "
-----------------
PS Yes, this brought me back down to "reality" but I will never, NEVER choose putting my finger in the side of a diaper to check for poop over "diaper sniffing". Never.
A few days ago I had a conversation with a friend of mine (who does not have kids) about how parents these days are "too much" and I thought to myself...that's not me..naaaaaaaaaaa. This after telling her I was planning on building a music and art station for the kids when they are not in swimming lessons, or soccer tots, etc.
As much as you don't want to be "too much" you also don't want to be "too little" either. It's a fine line we walk, of too much this or too little, that I tell you!
This morning I took the boys out into the yard to play. I gathered up haydens trucks, cars, a few balls and doohickies to keep him occupied and entertained. Alex and I got comfortable in the lawn chairs as Hayden ran around gathering rocks, sticks and leaves not giving any thought to the plastic entertainment I thought he would have prefered. The whole experience made me think of a bit George Carlin did on parents and it made me laugh. A bit worth the read...
------------------------
"Now, speaking of parents and speaking of bullshit, two ideas that aren't always mutually exclusive, by the way, I'd like to mention a special kind of bullshit that has taken hold in this country in the last thirty to forty years. It's a form of bullshit that really can only be called "child worship". It's child worship. It's this excessive devotion to children.
I'm talking about today's professional parents, these obsessive diaper sniffers who are overscheduling and overmanaging their children and robbing them of their childhoods.
Even the simple act of playing has been taken away from children, and put on mommy's schedule in the form of "play dates". Something that should be spontaneous and free is now being rigidly planned. When does a kid ever get to sit in the yard with a stick anymore?
You know? Just sit there with a fucking stick. Do today's kids even know what a stick is?
You sit in the yard with a fucking stick... and you dig a fucking hole. You know?
And you look at the hole, and you look at the stick... and you have a little fun. But kids don't have sticks anymore. I don't think there are any sticks left; I think they've all be recalled because of lead paint! "
-----------------
PS Yes, this brought me back down to "reality" but I will never, NEVER choose putting my finger in the side of a diaper to check for poop over "diaper sniffing". Never.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Two babies under two....
Three months until Hayden is two and I still in many ways have two "babies" even though H is a toddler now.
Yup, a lot of work but I've managed to sync the two boys up in many ways which makes life now somewhat (somewhat) consistent.
They eat their meals at the table together at the same time each day...
They have snacks together at the same time each day...
They nap after lunch together at the same time each day...
They wake up at the same time each day...
AND
They go to bed at the same time each day...
Now...
on the other hand they seem to...
Cry at the same time
get sick at the same time
not want to eat at the same time
hate the car at the same time
get bored grocery shopping at the same time
need their bums changed at the same time
want to be held at the same time.
All in all though, they are good boys at the same time.
Yup, a lot of work but I've managed to sync the two boys up in many ways which makes life now somewhat (somewhat) consistent.
They eat their meals at the table together at the same time each day...
They have snacks together at the same time each day...
They nap after lunch together at the same time each day...
They wake up at the same time each day...
AND
They go to bed at the same time each day...
Now...
on the other hand they seem to...
Cry at the same time
get sick at the same time
not want to eat at the same time
hate the car at the same time
get bored grocery shopping at the same time
need their bums changed at the same time
want to be held at the same time.
All in all though, they are good boys at the same time.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
I love Hayden
Today Hayden said "Pretty Mama".
That's it, that's my news.
I love my baby.
Ps Mama didn't shower today.
That's it, that's my news.
I love my baby.
Ps Mama didn't shower today.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Time to get out a little more
So Marcus and I are sitting on the couch last night and notice at the same time that "Iggle Piggle"gives us the creeps. For those who don't know, Iggle Piggle is a character from the (in my opinion acid trip inspired) show "In the night garden".
Anyway, Iggle Piggle is this creepy looking character which is sitting on a shelf in our basement staring us right in the eyes on a daily basis
So here is where we need to get out a little more...
The two of us start talking about what we would do if Iggle Piggle got up and walked across the room towards us. My first reaction would be to run (even though he is a foot tall). A stuffed toy is walking across the room towards me...I'm not going to assume he's friendly. Marcus says, he would first "give him the benefit of the doubt" but if he then sensed he was a threat he would "snap his neck".
LMAO.
Wow.....are you as worried about us as I am?
Anyway, Iggle Piggle is this creepy looking character which is sitting on a shelf in our basement staring us right in the eyes on a daily basis
So here is where we need to get out a little more...
The two of us start talking about what we would do if Iggle Piggle got up and walked across the room towards us. My first reaction would be to run (even though he is a foot tall). A stuffed toy is walking across the room towards me...I'm not going to assume he's friendly. Marcus says, he would first "give him the benefit of the doubt" but if he then sensed he was a threat he would "snap his neck".
LMAO.
Wow.....are you as worried about us as I am?
Friday, March 26, 2010
Ever notice?
Ever notice when you burp a baby there is always one small to medium size burp and then within a few seconds a second big monster one follows? lol why is that? I don't burp in twos.
This just happens to be top of mind as I was just burping Alex. I always think I'm in the clear when I duck away from the first burp but he always seems to get me with second burp 2 cm from my nose. Why do I always forget?
mmmmmmmm baby burps before breakfast.
This just happens to be top of mind as I was just burping Alex. I always think I'm in the clear when I duck away from the first burp but he always seems to get me with second burp 2 cm from my nose. Why do I always forget?
mmmmmmmm baby burps before breakfast.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Too much Dora?
Bate, bate, chocolate
Bate, bate, choclate
Mix your chocolate, chocolate
Bate, bate, chocolate.
Hayden calls all chocolate "bate" which means mix in spanish thanks to Dora. (thanks to Joanna letting him watch too much tv).
He also counts in Spanish now...two, for, cinqo, seiz, nine, tent"
Good one. Like this Canadian, Italian, Swiss, German isn't confused enough.
A few things I want to remember so just bare with my lists.
bubba: means please
Ta: thank you
Juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuice is always juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuice. never just, juice.
ma: is milk
tees: is trees (with a lisp)
Tent: is ten
Up is down and down is up
Chin chin: cheers
Booooooots (Is Dora, her sidekick is named Boots). But never just boots. It's Booooooooots
The little accents kids have at this age is just too cute. So many words to even try to list but these ones make me laugh.
Side note: I pulled Hayden today from day care completely. No more full time for this kid, he's with me now! With less than a year left with these guys, I'm happy to have him home! (I'm sure I'll be eating my words at some point!)
Bate, bate, choclate
Mix your chocolate, chocolate
Bate, bate, chocolate.
Hayden calls all chocolate "bate" which means mix in spanish thanks to Dora. (thanks to Joanna letting him watch too much tv).
He also counts in Spanish now...two, for, cinqo, seiz, nine, tent"
Good one. Like this Canadian, Italian, Swiss, German isn't confused enough.
A few things I want to remember so just bare with my lists.
bubba: means please
Ta: thank you
Juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuice is always juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuice. never just, juice.
ma: is milk
tees: is trees (with a lisp)
Tent: is ten
Up is down and down is up
Chin chin: cheers
Booooooots (Is Dora, her sidekick is named Boots). But never just boots. It's Booooooooots
The little accents kids have at this age is just too cute. So many words to even try to list but these ones make me laugh.
Side note: I pulled Hayden today from day care completely. No more full time for this kid, he's with me now! With less than a year left with these guys, I'm happy to have him home! (I'm sure I'll be eating my words at some point!)
Monday, March 22, 2010
LIFE!
Last night an 11 week series started on Discovery, called Life. LOVED IT! I don't even think you need to be into nature shows like I am to appreciate it. The cinematography alone is worth the watch. Oprah is the narrator and has a Morgan Freamanesq delivery.
There was one quote of many last night about parenting which I loved: "The soul of parenting is the capacity for sacrifice".
Makes you want to suck up sacrifice that much more when put like that, doesn't it.
A tree frog in the Costa Rican jungle lays her tadpole eggs under the ground. Once the eggs hatch she feels it's no longer safe for her babies, so she moves each of them (five), one by one on her back up a 100ft tree (shes the size of a finger nail) to grow in each of their very own personal pinapple plant. If she puts the babies together, they will eat each other. So five times up and down this huge tree and under the ground she carts her little babies around. If that's not enough, she now has to feed all five babies, so every few days for two months she lays unfertilized eggs into the pool of water (the tadpole is living in, in the pinapple plant) until the tadpoles become frogs and can hop away to repeat the cycle.
I bet she doesn't complain about sleep.
P.S Where is the daddy!
There was one quote of many last night about parenting which I loved: "The soul of parenting is the capacity for sacrifice".
Makes you want to suck up sacrifice that much more when put like that, doesn't it.
A tree frog in the Costa Rican jungle lays her tadpole eggs under the ground. Once the eggs hatch she feels it's no longer safe for her babies, so she moves each of them (five), one by one on her back up a 100ft tree (shes the size of a finger nail) to grow in each of their very own personal pinapple plant. If she puts the babies together, they will eat each other. So five times up and down this huge tree and under the ground she carts her little babies around. If that's not enough, she now has to feed all five babies, so every few days for two months she lays unfertilized eggs into the pool of water (the tadpole is living in, in the pinapple plant) until the tadpoles become frogs and can hop away to repeat the cycle.
I bet she doesn't complain about sleep.
P.S Where is the daddy!
Sunday, March 21, 2010
3 nights
3 straight nights of 11hr sleeps. Way too excited for my own good. I feel like a new person. That foggy feeling is gone! Wow, we really do need a good nights sleep to feel half human. I was getting used to being crusty and sluggish all the time, well no more!
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPY!
On top of all of this bliss, Alex's naps are wonderful as well! Twice a day he will sleep for 1.5hrs and the third nap is around an hr. All this = REALLY happy baby (even when he's teething).
Fist pumping all over the place. (that's right, fist pumping! I'm excited!)
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPY!
On top of all of this bliss, Alex's naps are wonderful as well! Twice a day he will sleep for 1.5hrs and the third nap is around an hr. All this = REALLY happy baby (even when he's teething).
Fist pumping all over the place. (that's right, fist pumping! I'm excited!)
Friday, March 19, 2010
WHATAYA KNOW
The training worked! Alex slept until 6:30 this morning!!!!! I heard him wake 3 or 4 times but he put himself back to sleep each time within 5 -10 min tops. THANK YOU! With two kids under two I basically have not slept in two years. Hopefully tonight I get over the excitment (or habbit of waking) and sleep myself!!!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Too sleepy - Night # 3
To sleepy to explain but yes it is working but the events of the week are taking its toll.
Just
Want
Sleep
Just
Want
Sleep
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Night # 2
Ok.... it's working!
Last night he woke at 1:00am for about 30 sec and was back off to sleep. Then at 3:30am he woke and I sat with him until 5:00am. Sounds gross but remember the night before was for 3hrs. I'm pretty sleepy this morning, but he's still in la la land. I also noticed he responded better to my voice last night. He was happy I was around and would quiet or calm down when it was time for me to "shhh" him.
yawwwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Last night he woke at 1:00am for about 30 sec and was back off to sleep. Then at 3:30am he woke and I sat with him until 5:00am. Sounds gross but remember the night before was for 3hrs. I'm pretty sleepy this morning, but he's still in la la land. I also noticed he responded better to my voice last night. He was happy I was around and would quiet or calm down when it was time for me to "shhh" him.
yawwwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
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